Day 57 of 84

Notice how I always seem to be at the corner/crossroads of something?

From me and here to you and there, greetings …

Okay, today to go to me.

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. They say that we have to get to this point before we really change. But it seems that I have been sitting on this street corner for 10 years and what has changed is that it’s only gotten worse.

I tend not to complain much because I know that complaining only means that things are not the way I want them to be. And the universe, along with Mr. Murphy as the messenger, makes sure I don’t forget that the universe is not about the way I want it to be. I will be the way it is and I will just have to get my head around it. I may have mentioned that I not pray, but I do meditate. Prayers seems to be about telling the universe what you want and meditation seem to be about going quite and listen to what the universe wants from you.

Well, the over-stimulation got to me today. It just seemed like nothing was going down according to MY plan. We had planned a family day  at the beach when 4 different crews told us they were showing up to work on the house. We had A/C, roofer, electricians, and door people working all at the same time. Saws and hammers going. So, needless to say, we stayed home to facilitate, orchestrate, witness, experience, and try to stay out-of-the-way of the people doing the work so that some day we could just be here alone with the quiet.

Some times when we are off our games, it knocks other things off the game too. Like thought patterns. Usually I i just sit down and start to work, I can find that groove. It’s usually there. Okay, but not always and certainly not today.  I mean I go through the motions and I get done what absolutely needs to get done. I am pretty blue-collar about that. Doesn’t matter if you want to, if you feel like it, just go get the work done. So it got done. I am not sure who did it, but I was present and showed up.

When my dry lips bleed some and I realized I could not kiss my wife because I have this blood virus that is contagious, it took me right to the edge, I peered over with disappointment, and gave up for the day. I am sick and tied of being sick and tired.

The treatment continues to escalate the everyday flu-like symptoms of HCV. Perhaps if I wasn’t so apathetic and lethargic right now I’d actually be depressed. I try to keep the perspective that this is just a temporary experience and that it will all be worth it when it’s over, I and cleared/cured, and feel healthy for the first times in a long time.

So you keep you eye on the prize and accept that you are just sick and tired of being sick and tired and don’t really want to talk about because you are not always sure you are making sense (there is this brain-fog thing that comes with it too).

So thanks …. appreciation and gratitude more than you know.

Love and pride, strength and honor …

Until again,

Lynn

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